hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
so let's talk penis.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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