that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Dicks are not precious.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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