How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
The Olympian is in my bed
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
