I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
