Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize