i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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