I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
