so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Randomize
