I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
