Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Randomize
