I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
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