oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
