I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Randomize
