Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
