He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
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