WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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