Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
