I smell stomach acid.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
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