accomplished twins. life is a go
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
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