I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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