his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
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Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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