My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Duck Duck Cougar?
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
