I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Thank you for not boning my boss.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
