Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
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