need another drink. this is the easiest way
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
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