I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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