I wannas sexs uuuuu
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
