All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Randomize
