I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
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