you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
