Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
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