i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
