just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
