smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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