Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
