Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
