capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
