First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
