You can't motorboat a personality
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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