you guys were way drunker than both of me
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
