he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
