1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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