He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
