he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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