garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Randomize
