You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
