If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
