im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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