I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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