we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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