Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
