Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
