This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
