I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
