You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
If that was your dad, he is hot
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
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