A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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