This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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