Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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