I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
