Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
