I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Randomize
