I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize