You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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