I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
