i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
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I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
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