i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Randomize
