I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
