Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
