On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
