Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Everything about him screamed your future.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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