i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize
