i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
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I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
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I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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