i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
19 Unhappily Married People Confess The Red Flags They Ignored
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
These 23 People Destroyed Their Entire Lives In An Instant
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale