Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
