how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
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it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
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He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....