One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
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Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
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He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.