I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
