Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
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