I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
The uberlube is also flammable
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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