Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I look better un-naked...
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
You are the jesus of drinking
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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