I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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