So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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