Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
