I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Randomize
